I get more inspiration from teeny little trees that burst up through the cracks in concrete than any motivational speaker.
A List of Times I Wanted To Quit and Kept Going Anyway
I’m currently Going Through It* and I wrote this for my own personal motivation, but you can read it too.
Swimming.
Full disclosure: I have no memory of this, so it comes straight from a secondary source.
My mom: You know, it took you a while to learn how to swim. You did not like to get your face wet when you were little.
Me: Well…My mom: I mean, you would refuse to put your face in the water.
Me: Yeah, that sounds about right.
My mom: Fran [swim instructor] was very proud when you moved on to advanced beginners.
Me: Aw, she was?
My mom: She was. It took seven beginner classes for you to get there.Me: Seven classes?
My mom: I told you, you refused to put your face in the water. But Fran was very patient with you, and you eventually did it.Me: Yeah, after seven classes.
My mom: It took as long as it needed to take.
Riding a bike.
My memory around how I conquered this is spotty. It wasn’t easy, I can tell you that much, and took me much longer than any other kid in the neighborhood. I’m not a very coordinated person (understatement of the year) and like most boring adults, I haven’t been on a bike in a long, long time. Would I be the exception to the old “just like riding a bike” idiom and never be able to ride again? I’ll have to find out and report back.Learning to drive.
Seven attempts, five years, three instructors, two driving schools, and one crushed bumper. That’s what it took for me to get a driver’s license. If riding a bike was rough, ya shoulda seen this girl try to drive. Lack of coordination, depth perception problems, a difficulty concentrating— I really had it all! My younger sister ended up getting her license before me and everyone gave me shit for it. By that point, I was determined to pass just to shut them up. Never estimate spite as a motivating factor to accomplish difficult things. Anyway, I’m a much better driver now and my license is just as valid as someone who got it on their 16th birthday, thankyouverymuch.Finishing college.
Fall semester senior year was brutal for many reasons (struggled with my thesis, most of my friends already graduated, slept too little, drank too much) and then my aunt died in her sleep. Grief mixed with stress times depression divided by anxiety equals one big mess. I don’t think even most people in my life at the time were aware of how close I came to walking away. Like other times on this list, I don’t exactly remember how I got through it but I did. Somehow.Getting my last job.
I used to work at a large university and when I got the job, I went back into the application system and counted all the times I applied there over the years. It was more than sixty applications, thousands of words, so many different resumes. I can’t even say now why I kept going at it, yet it’s the reason I’m on the road I’m (trying) to go down now, so I guess I’m grateful.
I usually have a very strong emotional memory but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my memory is spotty around most these incidents. Maybe it’s some measure of self-preservation. Another trick by my brain to persuade me to keep trying.
There could also be a counter-list of Times I Should Have Quit and Yet Kept Barreling On, but let’s not ruin the vibes, no?
*A friend recently said, “You’re going through it,” and I immediately burst into tears. I didn’t know I needed the validation until I got it. So, yes, I’m Going Through It, and you might be too.
“Advice”
My friend, dying, said do the hard thing first.
Always do the hard thing and you will have a better day.
The second thing will seem less hard.
She didn’t tell me what to do when everything seems hard.
— Naomi Shihab Nye
Dearly beloved, thank you for sticking with me as we get through this thing called “life.” I’m here for you too. If so desired, you can buy me a cup of coffee here or here. <3 Take care of yourselves.
YKWIM #96: Always do the hard thing